Peace loved ones!
A friend on facebook just asked this question.
Now, I can speak from experience because I’ve had several relationships. My understanding of them as well as my understanding of myself and the mates that I attract has been evolving over time. I also get amazing advice from my grandmother, great grandmother and my mom. All of these women have very different experiences with relationships and marriage. My great grandmother’s marriage ended in separation, my grandmother’s marriage lasted until my grandfather’s transition (a few months shy of 50 years), and my mom has never been married.
I’m actually more interested to know what others would have to say on this topic because it is my opinion at this point in our society that more of us have more experience with BAD relationships, and that the majority of conversation on this topic generally reflects that.
I would submit to you in brief, that a good relationship is one in which the individuals involved are able to be both independent whole people, and interdependent as a unit. They compliment and supplement each other. In other words, I am my own self as a queen, you are your own self as a king (or whatever your configuration may be and however many individuals are involved) and we lead our own lives but at the very same time, our lives are conjoined. You not only compliment me but you supplement me in that you catch my slack. Idealistically I would want that without pettiness involved (unless you can do it right, in a way that you both laugh at one another and laugh at yourselves). Sans the bickering and such. If I know my man is prone to leaving his socks on the floor sometimes, why walk around like a crazy person all the time raising hell about the socks on the floor. Just pick them up and move on with life LOL! That man hasn’t picked up a sock since birth. You’ll both be all right. Always work out of the understanding that the bond itself overrides the individual, as long as it is healthy.
Of course clarity/community is key, as well as sharing, support, physical attraction and compatibility sexually. All of those things are important. Truth be told though, there are some “rules” but at the same time, there aren’t. I think that people mess up from the start when they always look for manuals and tricks to things in a generic sense. That’s a mentality that we’ve grown in our society lately. We all want to know the answer, the trick, the system, the manual, the ehow. However what works for one couple, bond, etc may not work for another because each individual in this world is different. KNOW YOUR MATE and know your self. Accept both.
I also think that one of the biggest mistakes in one’s own life in regards to relationships, is for everyone to always want every relationship to last forever and if it doesn’t, they then count that as a loss or bad relationship. Not everything is meant to last forever. Every partner is a reflection of self in that point in time in life. They’re there because you attract what you are. If they are meant to remain in that capacity as you grow then they will. If not, then the relationship will change/end, but they and that bond have served their purpose and for that one should be grateful. Take the lessons and grow on. I’ve had amazingly wonderful relationships. They ended and may have even ended badly but the relationship itself was good and I still cherish those memories. Our bond was beautiful in that space and time, and for that I am grateful.